5 books that will teach you something new about humans

Whether you are reading for pleasure or seeking to learn something new, this post might give you an idea of what to read next. Every book on my list will tell a story of human relations and how to become a better leader.

I wanted to create a list of books I would recommend to others for a very long time. I posted occasionally on social media some titles I read or want to read, but really never had time to organize all my resources. From now on I will try to dedicate a page on my website where visitors can see those books I strongly recommend to read. This blog post is the first of many, I hope.

#1: What happened to you?: Conversations on trauma, resilience, and healing

#2: Group Dynamics

#3: Trust: A Very Short Introduction

#4: Aventures et mésaventures d'une aide-soignante à domicile: Anecdotes de vie

#5: Star Wars: Knight Errant

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#1: What happened to you?: Conversations on trauma, resilience, and healing

by Oprah Winfrey and Bruce D. Perry

This is not an easy read but a very important one. As an organizational designer I am learning how to facilitate trauma-informed interventions for my clients, teams and organizations.

As a mother I am discovering how trauma impacts brain of a child and how early childhood relations with caregivers impact all other relations of a child with the world.

As a friend I now know that instead of asking “What is wrong with you?” I’d better say: “What happened to you?” Asking a different question helps to shift perspectives from judgement to empathy, it helps to create space for discovery, learning, appreciation and ultimately lead to a more healthy relationships at work and home.

I believe every thoughtful and caring leader must read this book if he/she/them want to cultivate trust-based, trauma-informed, and psychologically safe working environment.

#2: Group Dynamics

by Donelson R.Forsyth

This book will give you a very detailed explanation of every aspect of human-to-human interactions in a group. I am already having so many “Aha!” moments as a practitioner and as a person who often teams up with others.

It is a very thick book and will take me more weeks to complete it, but I am enjoying so much. The book is a mini-encyclopedia that gives you in-depth insights on why do people fight, why do they collaborate, who influences whom, how leaders are chosen in groups, and how do they fail.

#3: Trust: A Very Short Introduction

by Katherine Hawley

I am reading every resource that I can find on trust and psychological safety. This little book can you a fantastic primer to introduce such topics as trust and district; why trustworthiness matter; honest and dishonesty; knowledge and expertise. While the book is very comprehensive and yet concise, it does not offer any advise on strategies. After all is it a very short introduction. Still, I would recommend reviewing this books to reflect on why we trust some people and not others, and why being trustworthy is so important for survival of our species

#4: Aventures et mésaventures d'une aide-soignante à domicile: Anecdotes de vie

by Florent Catanzaro

Who said that learning can’t be fun? As French is not my mother tongue I strive to maintain it and enjoy the process at the same time.

This little book was written before pandemic but how helpful it is now to fully grasp complexities of day-to-day work of those who take care of sick and elderly.

With humour, humanity and lots of tact, the book describes relationships between the caregiver and her clients, and relatives of her clients; and between caregivers themselves.

Leadership takes many forms. Nursing and caregiving one of those leadership roles we often take for granted.

#5: Star Wars: Knight Errant

by John Jackson Miller

Of course there are times when you want to read for pure pleasure, to escape to a different universe; the Star Wars books are the perfect solution for such times!

Apparently, there are some 45 books chronologically describing history and traditions of many worlds in the Star Wars universe.

For me it all started from the need to understand jokes and cultural references I’ve seen in some TV shows. But now, as I am reading the 15th book of the Star Wars timeline, I can’t help but recommend it to anyone who listens.

Sometimes, you do need to get closer to the dark side to appreciate the power of the light.

About facing fears of failure and success

Many people in my professional network as well as my friends and family know that I recently launched an online course on “Trust in the Workplace.” I am receiving good feedback from peer consultants and clients about my course.

Many people in my professional network as well as my friends and family know that I recently launched an online course on “Trust in the Workplace.” I am receiving good feedback from peer consultants and clients about my course. However, very few people really know that I was agonizing over this project for at least a year. In 2020, I had content, I had ideas, and I know for sure I have skills and competences to make this project successful.

For months during the pandemic, I was tormenting myself reviewing and polishing training material for this course, doubting myself, overthinking and overanalysing. For months, I was not able to name the reason for which I was not able to make a public announcement and launch my course.

It is in conversations with trusted friends and colleagues I realized that I was afraid to fail, and I was afraid to succeed.

If I fail, I was telling myself, it will crush me. So I was anticipating potential pain of “losing face” and suffer from a problem that didn’t even exist. I know that I have deeply internalized fear of humiliation, fear of losing respect of others if I make a mistake or appear to be unprofessional, or lose reputation. What I was not aware of for many years is how this assimilated cultural norm of “preserving face” or “saving face” resulted in my resistance to move forward, even if the product is not perfect and, subsequently in self-sabotage. This part of my mental barriers was easy to share, talk through with my friends and it easier to overcome once I understood this need to maintain my dignity.

I understand my fear of failure better now. But why one would afraid of success? Isn’t it something that most of us want and striving for?

If I dig deeper, I suppose I fear more of all attention that might get (or not!). I am imagining the avalanche of emails and questions that I won’t be able to answer. I am imagining humiliation of not being able to keep up with demand. These fears make me feel small, and I often procrastinate.

What really helped me to get out of overthinking and overanalyzing loop, and inaction, is the idea of redefining my definition of success. How do I see the success of my online course? If I think only of a single course that I need to launch and then face the consequences of putting myself in the spotlight, my fear becomes unmanageable.

What if my definition of success would include a continuous process, several offers within a year or two? In this case, I could see that I just won’t have time to be afraid of the spotlight, or extra attention. I learned to change my perspective of how I see my own success. Reframing success makes it easier to see my work as a continuum and not as “press-the-launch-button-and-run” event. This way I mentally can assess the larger scope of work and prepare for a marathon, not a sprint.

"Success is not final; failure is not fatal: It is the courage to continue that counts.” - Winston S. Churchill

This quote helped me to normalize my fears, and take success less seriously. It reminded me that success is the courage of pushing myself forward despite fears, pandemic, excuses, etc. Doing something new is hard. There are few benchmarks to compare with. Putting myself out in the public arena with a risk of failure is excruciatingly tough, especially for an introvert like me. So, I am thankful for any sign of hope, for any message of support, for quotes that keep me motivated and fearless. Let me know what do you think. What motivates you these days? How do you overcome your fears? Share, so we can collectively learn from your experience.

Do you trust yourself?

Trust-building is the most underrated and misunderstood leadership ability. Leaders can boost performance of their teams by understanding exactly why we do (or don’t) trust the people we work with.

Many leaders put an awful lot of effort into meeting the diverse needs of their stakeholders (internal and external) and their employees. But they’re not paying enough attention to one crucial maintenance function that provides with the most return on investment: Trust.

Trust is defined as our willingness to be vulnerable in relationships with others and this vulnerability is rooted in our belief that our colleagues, teammates, supervisors have good intentions and will behave well toward us. We let them have power over us believing these people will not hurt us. However, trust is a two-way street. We extend trust to others, we are willing to be vulnerable but our trust can be betrayed. It is not a rare phenomenon.

So, what do we do to ensure that we are operating in a high-trust environment? I always suggest to begin with self-trust and becoming aware our own relations with trust:

- Do we trust ourselves to act on our own decisions?

- How often do we betray ourselves and act in detriment to our own interests?

- Are we behaving in a way that instills trust or destroys it?

These are first key questions every leader has to ask as she/he/they engage in a trust-building process. We can never overestimate the relationship between self-trust and trusting others. As Maya Angelou said, “I don’t trust people who don’t love themselves and tell me, ‘I love you.’ There is an African saying which is: Be careful when a naked person offers you a shirt.”

Trust-building is a vulnerable and courageous process. You can gain more self-awareness through individual selections combined with a conversation with a person you can open up to. I would encourage you to walk through this process from a place of curiosity, learning and, ultimately, trust-building.